Sad sally confused for a happy chap

It seems as if every weekend I’m either getting drunk off my face or else I’m getting higher than cloud 9. There is a gap in my life, in myself. Living with my best friend and her family is amazing, don’t get me wrong. I just miss my mum and family so much. My dreams are often about them. I miss my little brother so much. I think it’d be easier if I just lived on my own. It’d be easier because then I’d feel better about it. Being here makes me miss my family so much. I have so much good to come this year, but I feel so deflated and uninterested. There are moments where i’m over the moon filled with joy, but then just like that, there are moments where dark thoughts start to attack my mind and I feel this heavy feeling in my chest which makes me just want to sleep for the rest of my life. Of course I’m being dramatic right now, maybe this really isn’t that serious? I should just get over it. Anyways, within the last two nights, I have gone to 18 birthday parties. The first one was hella lit lmao. I went with charlotte and omfg ahahahahha I got totally shitfaced. We drank gin and juice, but in between the drinks, I kept going inside and would have 2-3 cones each time and then come back out and drink. The thing that down buzzed me that night was the fact that this dude I use to have a thing with showed up and I honestly wanted him to go home lol. I ended up going inside and falling asleep lol, I vomited as well. Last night I was the sober driver though. First time in forever ahah. My other best mate got absolutely smashed, I was happy because she rarely gets the chance too, so obviously I didn’t mind being sober for one night so she could have fun. Slowly and slowly, I’m realising my friends are the only family I have, or somewhat anyways hey.

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