A subtle summertime sadness

I’ve come to a realisation that although I had probably one of the best summers of my life in 2016, there was the underlying sadness that lurked at the back of my mind. I was so happy with everything, content yet ambitious, but I had never really confronted the genuine issues which seemed to misconstrue my feelings. Even now, I’m not quite sure what it is that’s pulling me down. I do, however, know that whenever that feeling of sadness becomes overwhelming, it pushes me to do more and become more adventurous. It motivates me to go out and get happiness if I’m not feeling it. I surround myself with people whom I love and care about and people who somehow understand how I am. I don’t know what it is. I just want to cry all the time. I have this heavy feeling in my chest which weighs me down. It makes me feel sick, makes me hate myself sometimes. I don’t want to feel like this. I want to be happy. I miss my mum most of all. She’s there, but she’s not. Or maybe this is what adult life is like. I need to grow up, but I’ve just finished school? How can I? I should be excited for this year, I mean I am, it’s just that thing that’s always there. It really brings me down. Literally. I don’t let it get to me most of the times, but sometimes I can’t help it. it gets frustrating. I don’t want it there anymore. Whatever, I’m probably just being over dramatic… Anyways I played this water bottle game at the park today with Paryse, Tylah and Paryse’s younger siblings ahah. It was actually really fun, a good distraction definitely. I’m sure if I just focus on the more positive aspects of my life, I’d be a lot more happier.


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